


Playing Doctor

by yellow_owl



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Playing Doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:41:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellow_owl/pseuds/yellow_owl
Summary: -	Crowley? – said Aziraphale, looking up from a book-	Mm? – Crowley was sprawled out on the bed, dozing by his side-	You know, I have been reading...-	An activity wildly out of character for you!-	No, listen, I have been reading about  the ways in which humans who are together explore each other's bodies. Apparently, there is this one game called ‘Playing doctor'
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Playing Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> The initial idea came from tumbler, either Whiteleyfoster or wheel-of-fortune-design (and I can't find the original post!) who suggested someone writes it up, so I thought I build up on that :)

\- Crowley? – said Aziraphale, looking up from a book  
\- Mm? – Crowley was sprawled out on the bed, dozing off by his angel's side through the Sunday afternoon. The great British Summer was raging outside, threatening to wash the neighbouring village off the face of the Earth, so neither of them felt compelled to venture out.  
\- You know, I have been reading...  
\- An activity wildly out of character for you!  
\- No, listen, I have been reading about the ways in which humans who are together explore each other's bodies. Apparently, there is this one game called ‘Playing doctor'  
\- Hang on Angel, what have you been reading exactly?! – Crowley held no illusions regarding Aziraphale's book collection: it was both varied and comprehensive, meaning that you'd be able to find babylonian texts on the techniques of sheep breeding, a wide variety of works by European alchemists, complete works of Shakespeare (ah, good old Will), volumes of Wilde in exquisite binding (what Aziraphale saw in that tosser was anyone's guess), some more recent works of fiction, books of prophesy and, if you knew where to look, a very, very well stocked collection of erotic novels.  
\- Does it matter? What I am trying to say is, we are now guardians of Earth, and we have earthly corporations, and we have an... an alliance, a partnership, so I thought why not try it? You know, explore something we have not yet explored.  
\- Fair enough. What does the game entail?  
\- Well, as far as I understood, one is a doctor and the other one is a patient. So the doctor examines the patient's body from all sides and then pronounces their judgement. And maybe prescribe something, a salve or an activity, to make it better.  
\- Why would anyone be allowed to judge anyone's body? And who's to say that one body is better than another? Pfff, sounds like a load of patriarchic bullshit to me! – Crowley was a staunch defender of human rights for everyone (more people with agency, more free choice, so more potential to choose evil – it really was very simple) and in his demonic retirement leaned into his activist activity even more.  
\- Oh no, I don't think they mean it like that. I guess, for humans it is more like “Sir, I have examined you thoroughly and can conclude that you have broken your leg", or something to that effect.  
\- Hmmm, my legs are just fine, I think. – they both looked at Crowley's legs, which did indeed seem absolutely fine.  
\- It is just a game, we don't have to play it, if you don't want to.  
\- No, no perhaps there is something to it – mused Crowley, who was starting to warm up to the idea of finding out where all of Aziraphale's ticklish areas were. He might not get a better chance to find that out any time soon. – Where shall we start?  
\- Umm, shall we start at the top and go down?  
\- And do it together, in turns!

Aziraphale who was not sure this was exactly how the game was supposed to be played, decided that now was not the time for nitpicking.  
\- Allright then. Hair.  
\- Hair.  
They stared at each other’s hair for a minute.  
\- I have always liked the colour of yours. Suits you. And that you change it as you go.  
\- Thanks, Aziraphale – Crowley was clearly fighting a blush. – I like yours too. Very, um, flu-, very curly.  
\- Can I touch yours?  
\- Sure. – he sat very still as Aziraphale scooted closer and ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair. – not like you've never touched it before...  
\- No, no I have, I just, I just wanted to make sure you're ok with me doing it now... So soft and silky, amazing! You can touch mine too, by the way, if you want.

Crowley put his hands on Aziraphale’s head and have it a good scratch.  
\- Ohhh, you know how I love it when you do that...  
\- Mmm, I do. And you have lovely curls, I am surprised you never tried growing them longer.  
\- Oh, I did, once. They got so messy and unmanageable, I had to cut them off.  
\- You know, we could try again, if you wanted. Put some product in them, take proper care of them...  
\- Truth be told, I don't know how to. I guess, I just never really got to learning it the human way and miracling it to always stay in shape just didn't seem worth the bother  
\- Ooooh, Angel, allow me! We could do so much, we could try the curly girl method even!.. I mean, if you wanted to. Personally, I like you just the way you are, but I would help if you wanted me to.  
\- I'll think about it – Aziraphale was smiling, the idea clearly pleased him.  
\- Right, so what next... eyebrows? Don't seem like they need any special attention.  
\- Yours certainly do! They are key for your communication! Honestly, the acrobatics they do above those glasses... Spectacular! Can you lift the right one?  
\- Yes?  
\- And now the left one?  
\- Aziraphale...  
\- Excellent, thank you! Now right one down. Good! Left one down? Remarkable, they seem to be on top form!  
\- Right, my turn! Eyes!  
\- What about them?  
\- I just... I like looking into them, never really sure what colour they are. Also, you can give any puppy a run for their money when you make those pleading eyes. You know noone can refuse you anything when you look at them like that, I know I can't.  
\- I think it might be just you, my dear.  
\- Oh, shut up...  
\- Well, you know how I feel about your eyes. The prettiest ones I have ever seen. And the vision is remarkable, I still remember how different it all looked when I, ahem, borrowed your corporation. Not sure there is more we can explore about them, but I can certainly look into them for a long time...  
\- Right, nose next then?  
\- What about the nose?  
\- I dunno... I just think yours does not pick up on that many smells. A bit like running blind... but then you do have better vision. Which reminds me, why do you have those reading glasses?  
\- Oh, it is just a choice.  
\- A choice?  
\- Maybe I choose to look rather nifty when I am reading?  
\- Mmm, vanity... I like that! Anyway before you get all huffy, back to the nose. What do you think of mine? Not too pointy?  
\- It is perfect, Crowley! The most adorable nose ever! – Aziraphale kissed him on the nose  
\- Thank you, angel, but let's not get carried away. We set ourselves a task here, and we just started. Right, stay focused. Lips  
\- Stay focused? But my dear... – Aziraphale started to get the feeling that this game was not quite going to go like the books implied it did. They were following the principle, at least in the basic sense, so he was not entirely sure what was going wrong.  
\- Yes, right, so lips, teeth, tongue – all that mouth area stuff... Those human doctors love looking at that. Especially the tongue. Why are they so fixated on it anyway?  
\- Hang on, have you ever had to get a treatment from a human doctor?!  
\- No, I didn’t have to, but one of them was adamant to take a look, so I thought, well, what harm could it really do? Big mistake that was...  
\- What happened?  
\- Nothing too special at first, they said my teeth were remarkably straight, and then they started prodding at my tongue with a stick, so I just took it from their hand and threw it away. With my tongue.  
\- Ah, I see.  
\- Yeah, early fourteenth century, did not go down well, almost got discorporated that time...  
\- Well, for what it's worth, I do appreciate your whiley tongue, in all senses of the word – anyone who thought Aziraphale gave up easily was a fool. 

Crowley smiled, stuck his forked tongue out and winked. Then he grew serious again and looked at the angel  
\- Right, staying on track. So, um, have you ever had a human doctor poke around in your mouth?  
\- No, not exactly. They did, however, try to leech me once.  
\- Try to what?!  
\- You remember leeches? Those blood-sucking worms? So they get those to bite you and suck some blood out.  
\- Why would anyone do that?  
\- Ah well, to cure the, er, um, the imbalance of the humors?  
\- Which humors? Is it that stuff Hippocrates came up with?! Are they still using that?  
\- The very same. I mean, he is the founder of medicine, as some would believe. And I do think there is something to his theory. For example, I always fancied myself to have Sanguine personality connected to air and blood, for some reason: that is supposed to mean I am confident, joyful, optimistic, expressive, and sociable.  
\- But you are literally none of these things, Angel! Ok, maybe joyful, and apparently quite sociable when it comes to discreet gentlemen's clubs, but overall...  
\- And I always thought that you would be the yellow bile type.  
\- Excuse me?  
\- The fiery choleric type: deeply passionate souls with enormous vitality, that's you!  
\- But by that logic all the angels would be like you and all the demons would be like me, which we both know is far from truth. Completely unscientific this all is.  
\- Well, anyway, I was once seen by one of my doctor acquaintances in a rather agitated mood, so they wanted to let out some blood, or apply some leaches. It did not seem a pleasant procedure, so I excused myself from their presence...  
\- The humans would do anything to torture each other, and then say it is all for the greater good...

As the ‘examination' progressed, Aziraphale was presented with the fact that giraffes have seven vertebrae in their necks, the same number as humans do, he was also explained that the collar bone were the most popular bone to fracture in human corporations (the fact that neither of them have broken one in over six thousand years was nearly miraculous). Nipples, if Crowley was to be believed, were a bit of a glitch that God managed to somewhat turn into a feature at her second attempt. Crowley also found out about the ticklish spot on his side, which was absolutely not the plan. In fact, Aziraphale’s impression that he and Crowley had very different expectations of this game grew by the minute. However, he still held some hopes as they were getting done with the belly buttons.

\- Sooo, - Aziraphale said playfully, - what's the next one down?  
\- The knees!  
\- The... the knees? Aren’t we, ah, missing something important, dear boy?  
\- Knees are important! Very curious things, knees are.  
\- Oh, I am certain they are, but, um, I thought... I just mean, there are other areas to, um, to appraise... before we get to the knees, don't you think?  
\- Aziraphale, I can see what you are trying to do.  
\- Can you really?  
\- Yes, you have been trying to derail this whole game, which you started, mind you! From the moment we started talking about the eyes you've been trying to distract me!  
\- Distract?  
\- Yes, distract! We both know what would happen if I start examining your cock.  
\- Do we? What if you missed something important the last time you looked at it? – Aziraphale wiggled his eyebrows in the most suggestive manner. He was, as a matter of fact, an expert eyebrow wiggler but tended to hold back on it in his interactions with Crowley. Eyebrows were his thing after all.  
\- I cannot believe I have to thwart angelic wiles! Now, Aziraphale, let us focus on the important point!  
\- Which is? – Aziraphale closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
\- The knees! Now, did you know...

Aziraphale did not know much about the knees, or ankles, for that matter, but had a very strong premonition that his demon was going to correct that little omission on his part in the next couple of hours.


End file.
